Oh I don't know...like I actually don't know. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
Thoughts and rants and pensivity and occasional made up words. And life (what little I know of it) and little things.
Here there be...personal posts, things that make me smile, things that make me laugh, fangirly nonsense, architecture/interior design, beautiful places, beautiful things, cats, owls, and lots of images/text relating to how good I am at procrastination.
I think once you’ve thought about how a person sleeps, how they’d feel pressed up against your back, or your head on their chest, how compatible your bodies would be in the same space of a bed — once you’ve thought about that, you’re fucked.
When you are 13 years old,
the heat will be turned up too high
and the stars will not be in your favor.
You will hide behind a bookcase
with your family and everything left behind.
You will pour an ocean into a diary.
When they find you, you will be nothing
but a spark above a burning bush,
still, tell them
Despite everything, I really believe people are good at heart.
When you are 14,
a voice will call you to greatness.
When the doubters call you crazy, do not listen.
They don’t know the sound
of their own God’s whisper. Use your armor,
use your sword, use your two good hands.
Do not let their doubting
drown out the sound of your own heartbeat.
You are the Maid of Untamed Patriotism.
Born to lead armies into victory and unite a nation
like a broken heart.
When you are 15, you will be punished
for learning too proudly. A man
will climb onto your school bus and insist
your sisters name you enemy.
When you do not hide,
he will point his gun at your temple
and fire three times. Three years later,
in an ocean of words, with no apologies,
you will stand before the leaders of the world
and tell them your country is burning.
When you are 16 years old,
you will invent science fiction.
The story of a man named Frankenstein
and his creation. Soon after you will learn
that little girls with big ideas are more terrifying
than monsters, but don’t worry.
You will be remembered long after
they have put down their torches.
When you are 17 years old,
you will strike out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig
one right after the other.
Men will be afraid of the lightening
in your fingertips. A few days later
you will be fired from the major leagues
because “Girls are too delicate to play baseball”
You will turn 18 with a baby on your back
leading Lewis and Clark
across North America.
You will turn 18
and become queen of the Nile.
You will turn 18
and bring justice to journalism.
You are now 18, standing on the precipice,
trembling before your own greatness.
This is your call to leap.
There will always being those
who say you are too young and delicate
to make anything happen for yourself.
They don’t see the part of you that smolders.
Don’t let their doubting drown out the sound
of your own heartbeat.
You are the first drop of a hurricane.
Your bravery builds beyond you. You are needed
by all the little girls still living in secret,
writing oceans made of monsters and
throwing like lightening.
You don’t need to grow up to find greatness.
You are stronger than the world has ever believed you to be.
The world laid out before you to set on fire.
All you have to do
GORGEOUS OWLS DRAWINGS BY JOHN PUSATERI
Born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, John Pusateri moved to New York in 1997 to study fine arts at Syracuse University where he received his BFA (hons) in 2001. In 2004, Pusateri moved to New Zealand to undertake a Master of Fine Arts degree at the Elam School of Fine Arts, University of Auckland. Pusateri currently teaches in the Department of Architecture at Unitec New Zealand while continuing to make his own artwork. He has exhibited in numerous exhibitions in the USA, Canada, Costa Rica, England, Japan, and New Zealand.
there are days and nights like this when it feels like the whole world is collapsing around me in a crash of splitting headaches, noise, struggling social efforts, and drowningly confusing work.
all i’ve wanted to do all day is put my head down and rest or nap or take a drive or stare out the window and quietly contemplate how i have no idea what i’m doing with my life. why am i still
struggling through reading this 30 page linguistics paper at 3:30 am? why is it taking so long?
how do i diagram this damn site? how do i come up with words for a big idea? how do i convey the big idea in diagrams and programmatic/volumetric/spatial organizational strategies? how do i architecture?
how do i stop thinking about him?